Jiang Wen: People who are not affirmed by their parents are not confident.
 
  1
 
  The latest issue of "Thirteen Invitations" Jiang Wen as a guest. Xu Zhiyuan asked him, what failure did your life have?
 
  Jiang Wen said yes, my relationship with my mother.
 
  Who is Jiang Wen? China's most individual actor and director, all face is a cow X.
 
  23-year-old is in love with China's hottest female celebrity; at the age of 55, she became famous, Jinji and Baihua are the best directors of Taiwan Golden Horse Awards.
 
  Such a man, the problem encountered is the same as you and me.
 
  In the interview, Jiang Wen said two small things. One is that he was admitted to the Chinese opera, and he told his mother with enthusiasm. The mother threw the notice to the side and said that you saw that your clothes were still not washed.
 
  Jiang Wen went to wash clothes...
 
  Later, he became famous. The children of other families made money and bought houses for their parents. Jiang Wen also bought a house for his mother, but her mother did not want to live.
 
  In this parent-child relationship, Jiang Wen has been trying to please her mother and hopes to get her approval.
 
  In March of this year, the mother died and the two lost the opportunity for reconciliation.
 
  In the interview, Jiang Wen was very reluctant to say: my mother died in March...
 
  2
 
  My point in this interview is that I also lived in my dad's bad review, always want to prove to him, but never failed.
 
  In the second semester of high school, I learned the slag counterattack and took the first class in the class.
 
  Taking back the transcript, my dad said scornfully: "You licked the cat and hit the dead mouse."
 
  After various examinations, there are always two villains fighting in my heart -
 
  A said: I must study hard and prove it to my dad.
 
  B said: Anyway, it is useless to try hard, forget it.
 
  I majored in psychology at university and became friends with young and promising male teachers. He said that Chinese parents are too emphatic to drive external forces, and ignoring the fact that a person is really good is self-driven.
 
  Only when people are loved and satisfied can they believe and pursue truth, goodness and beauty, and find happiness in life.
 
  In the traditional Chinese sense, there is no psychology, only successful learning.
 
  Therefore, traditional parents will not feel that children's happiness is a success. It is a success for a family to love each other. The happiness they set for their children will always be pursued and profitable. "Beyond others."
 
  Driven by interest, Chinese parents have invented a crushing parent-child relationship in a particularly tragic manner: it doesn't matter if you hate me, as long as you have a good future.
 
  They never think about it. A person who has made a name for himself has a lot of pain in his heart, hiding his resentment and regrets against his parents.
 
  3
 
  After I work, I often buy gifts for my parents. My dad’s attitude is every time, you buy this is a slap, and spend money.
 
  I kept telling myself not to care about my father's attitude, and once thought that I had stepped out of his evaluation system.
 
  However, my father’s 60th birthday, I gave him a gift, stuffed half a Taobao shopping cart, still can not decide what to buy.
 
  Dreaming at night, I bought a massage chair for my dad. When he just sat up, the chair melted. Before disappearing with the chair, my dad shouted: You see what you bought! ! !
 
  I am awakened.
 
  That birthday, I didn't buy a present. I told my father that you are not happy to buy anything anyway. At that time, his face was very unsightly.
 
  After a few years of cold war. My fourth book was published. My father took the initiative to call me and said that your new book was finished and I wrote it well.
 
  Last year I finally bought him a massage chair. He squatted and said, "Oh, expensive."
 
  I thought the next sentence was that you spent money, but he thought about it and said: I enjoy the daughter's blessing.
 
  4
 
  Yesterday I wrote an article in the trumpet, "The secret of happiness is to die...", and my reconciliation with the father of the bad reviewer began with my acclaim for his praise and complete death.
 
  Even if the father and the daughter are one, I have no obligation, and I always live in the truth of his "tie".
 
  There is a fable story about a thin boy who lost his parents from childhood, but a little bird said in front of his window every day that you are the tallest and mighty man in the world.
 
  When the boy grew up, he really became the tall and mighty person that the bird said. He became a general and saved the country.
 
  Knowing that the schoolmaster Nono is in the "can't say", dialogue with the goddess Wu Xiaochen.
 
  During Wang Nuo Nuo kindergarten, she was a cute little girl. After she was in elementary school, her mother worried that she was "proud" and joined her school teacher to suppress her.
 
  Fear that she loves beauty, she will not let her wear a skirt for more than ten years, so that she will live in self-esteem throughout her youth.
 
  This "strike education" has caused Wang Nonuo to twist the world view.
 
  This is also the reason why she became the biggest slot after the "Unable to Say" program was aired.
 
  On the one hand, she enjoys the convenience brought by beauty, on the other hand, she is afraid of others discussing their own values.
 
  Even in her view, beauty is a shame, contrary to the connotation, so she will deliberately not wash her head and attend the company annual meeting.
 
  5
 
  It is a terrible thing to be unable to accept your ordinary appearance. What is even more frightening is that even your own beauty and excellence are unacceptable.
 
  Jiang Wen and Wang Nonuo, who are not recognized by their parents, have a black hole in their hearts that can't be filled even if they become famous. This black hole is far-reaching and has no solution.
 
  It makes people live in a low self-evaluation, swinging in two extreme emotions: inferiority and conceit.
 
  It is difficult to renovate the parents of the bad reviewers. It is difficult to go to the sky, strong and majestic, and it is something that penetrates into their bones.
 
  They do not believe in the self-will of their children, nor do they believe that love has the power to destroy. They only believe in prestige and filial piety; they believe that once they become parents, they wear the everlasting correct aura.
 
  A reader wants to resign to work in a big city. Friends and lovers support it, but she has no confidence.
 
  I asked her if she had encountered big failures and setbacks . She said: "The biggest setback in my life is the blow of my parents."
 
  I decided to convince her to leave her parents and go to the big city.
 
  A nurturing child and a bad reviewer need a physical or mental escape.
 
  "Parents are respectful, they are not humble", is an education we must accept in our growth, no one has the right to exert influence on our life.
 
  We work hard to make money, work hard, meet the right city, good lover; we travel to places we like, eat food to see the beauty, buy expensive or exquisite things; all of them are to find ourselves.
 
  Find the point that really inspires our innermost pleasure switch - and hold it firmly in your own hands, never let go.