Parenting biggest failure: to pay all, but could not keep ThTime:2019-09-10 | Release:Inspirational | Category:family Education
Parenting biggest failure: to pay all, but could not keep Thanksgiving child
As the saying goes, "Mother and child are more and more defeated," and the ears are false, and seeing is believing.
Going to the hospital for infusion, I was sitting opposite a boy in his teens, while inhaling, playing with a mobile phone.
The mother was with him, accompanied by a few months old treasure in his arms, laboriously vacating his hand with a box of rice, a spoonful of rice and a spoonful of food, and fed it into the boy's mouth.
The boy stared at the screen of the phone intently, and when the meal came, he opened his mouth.
Maybe the game hit the most crucial point, the boy waved his hand and said that he would not eat it, but the mother insisted on sending the meal to her mouth.
Because the spoon blocked the screen, the game lost, the boy was mad, and shouted: "Go away, blame you!" Push the mother's arm.
My mother lost her balance, and the box lunch fell to the ground. I almost fell the two treasures in my arms.
Auntie can't stand down and say, "You kid! Your mother is so hard, take care of the little sister, and take care of you. Why don't you know how to understand your mother?"
The mother hurriedly explained: "The child is sick and upset."
The teenage man, mother feeding, not only deserved of it, but also all kinds of anger and disgust, how chilling.
Mothers are willing to accept silently, and are not willing to criticize children. Such parents should be the most selfless and loving parents in the world. However, the selflessness of the parents is in exchange for the child's selfishness.
It is no wonder that some people say that the greatest sorrow of Chinese-style parents is that they pay the whole, but they cannot raise the grateful children.
Many parents gnaw their teeth to take up the burden of life, but for the children, it is a vacuum world.
In one issue of "Youth", there was a girl named Ye Xinyu who went to tears when she came to the stage and asked her parents: "I want to ask Mom and Dad, do you really care about my feelings?"
The parents looked up and looked forward to their daughters. I didn't expect to be beaten when I came up.
"Since you started the supermarket, you have a whole mind at work. Is money important, or is it important for me?" Ye Xinyu was crying and the atmosphere was paralyzed.
Supermarkets are the economic source of the family. Parents move bricks and accompany their children.
In the face of the daughter's complaint, they have been hard to support, strong smile, and finally can not help at the last moment, both face to face tears.
This hard support for parents is also a daily portrayal of life.
They silently carried forward the burden, deliberately left the child a quiet time, but also shielded the child in a false world, hiding the truth of life, hiding his own sadness and helplessness.
Once parents are used to pretending to be strong, children will become accustomed to the numbness of their parents and turn a blind eye.
On the other hand, on the subway, a little boy tried to pick up his feet, grab the ring, bite his lips, and balance it with force, just to support the mother who leaned on his body to take a nap.
Seeing that my mother will be exhausted, and also relying on her own moments, the boy’s heart suddenly rises to the desire to act.
Guo Jingming wrote in "The Summer Solstice": "When we were young, we always thought that our parents were invincible until we broke through their helplessness. Only then did we understand that it was because of love, they were willing to play heroes. Every child would experience such a moment. Suddenly I want to grow up quickly and shelter my parents, as they used to shelter us."
Parents are appropriately weak, and children have the opportunity to get in touch with the reality of life, breaking through the helplessness of their parents, and giving thanks and responsibility from the heart.
Parents pay unreservedly, blurring the boundaries that children should have.
There was a news on the Internet. An 83-year-old woman from Taiyuan, Shanxi, was sitting begging at the train station every day.
According to the investigation by the police, the old man has children and a daughter. It is the 44-year-old son Li who sent his mother with inconvenient legs and poor eyesight every morning to beg.
Li did not have a stable job, slept on a card every day, and relied on his mother to beg for a living.
The old age is entangled, and it is time to take care of the children. In the year of sorrow, it is pitiful and sad to let the children raise their last blood.
Endless and unconditional pay can only lead to misplaced children, and there is no sense of gratitude.
In July 2018, a pair of mothers and daughters who relied on woven crafts to make a living on the streets of Hangzhou had a hot search.
Wang Suzhen, a 50-year-old mother, and Dong Huaili, a 28-year-old son, at the invitation of the client, flew to Qingdao to rush the Mercedes-Benz hood, only 20,000 yuan for two holes.
Wang Suzhen has been working on the street for 20 years. Later, she handed her hand to her son, letting him set up a separate door and take root in the business not far from him.
The mother and son have already set a house in Hangzhou, but the son has always had a dream , that is, he can have a storefront, let the mother say goodbye to the wind and rain.
The same is selfless, the mother did not keep the hand to pass to the son, but refused to eat the big pot, but let him start another stove. Mother and child are masters and apprentices, and they are also competitors.
Freud said: "The main driving force for growth comes from the separation from parents."
Without the limits of giving, depriving the child of the power to grow. It is necessary to draw a clear line of boundaries and promote the growth of children.
When a child has a sound and independent personality, he or she can have the ability to feel the same for both parents and others.
Parents pay for it, it is easy to ignore the principle and can not help children establish correct values.
A few days ago, a mother spit in the circle of friends, and now the baby is too extravagant, after a birthday, spending money like water.
It turned out that the 9-year-old daughter attended the birthday party of the classmates. The parents also included the villa, and asked the master of ceremonies, as well as the students who took the car to the birthday party.
When the daughter came home, she asked her mother: "Can you go to the villa after the birthday? You must bring the swimming pool!"
Mom was speechless and turned around and complained to the parents: "How much does it cost? Isn't 10,000 pieces enough? Next week, the children will have a birthday, and where the family has money to make her so!"
I believe that after attending such a birthday party, I want to pack more than one child in the villa. Anxious parents, not just this mother.
The problem is not the display of others, nor the vanity of the child, but when the pay is a kind of inertia, the parents are easily led by the child, losing the adult's values and judgment.
The unreasonable demands of the child, the gentle and firm rejection of the parents, can convey the correct values to the child.
The colleague’s son, 11 years old, recently wrapped up with a mountain bike that he wanted an imported brand.
Originally he also wanted to buy a bicycle for his child, but the son said a word , let him completely dispel the idea.
"My classmate said, you are driving such a high-end car, and you are reluctant to buy me an imported bicycle. Is this too stingy?"
My colleague solemnly told his son: "My car is my own struggle and I try to make money. In the future, you can also earn money by yourself and buy a bicycle you like."
It is the wish of every parent to do their best to provide the best material conditions for the children and not to let the children repeat the suffering they have suffered. But the more we pay for tangible things, the easier it is to ignore intangible things.
Buffett said: "I am very grateful to my father. I learned from him how to have a correct view of money when I was young."
It is the focus of parents to help children establish correct values.
Long Yingtai said: "The so-called parents are those who are constantly facing the back, both happy and sad, want to recover the hug, and dare not speak."
Parents can't afford to give thanks and reward to their children, but they don't want to live in an island that is forgotten by their children.
A few days ago, a microblog forwarded by Sun Honglei touched countless people.
On the subway, an old man lay sideways in his son's arms, like a child, sleeping comfortably.
The year of the coveted parents, the greetings of the children, a little relative, is enough to comfort the heart of loneliness.
Such a grateful child cannot do without the parents’ understanding of weakness, condition, and principle.
May the parents of the world be treated with tenderness by their children.