No disobedient children, only parents who don’t chatTime:2019-08-13 | Release:Inspirational | Category:family Education
Today, on the bus, there is a mother who is helping her daughter to review English.
My mother speaks Chinese, and the girl turns into English, talking and laughing.
The girl translated very well. As an English teacher, I couldn't help but want to praise her. This kind of picture appeared in a hurry morning, and I couldn't help but feel envious.
Then the girl may have a word turned out, my mother said something, all of a sudden had a warm atmosphere dropped to freezing point.
The girl’s mother said, “I don’t know this? Yesterday’s lesson was not reviewed, I know that I’m playing...”
The little girl hurriedly argued: "Mom, I was yesterday..."
When the words were not finished, they were severely reprimanded by their mothers, and there was no room for refutation.
Until I got off the bus, the girl did not say a word.
I know that this mother is talking about the day.
In fact, this situation is not uncommon in many families.
My dad is also such a parent who can always talk to the dead in one sentence.
In my family, my dad always takes the initiative to speak. In front of him, I rarely have the opportunity to tell.
For a while, the school was particularly popular with folding stars, and hundreds of them were placed in a glass bottle.
The classmates all said that this is a wish bottle, filled with stars to give birthday to the person, then his wishes can be realized.
The junior girls in junior high school believed this most, so I bought a lot of colored papers with stars. I thought about folding the stars and waiting for my dad’s birthday, and gave them a gift.
During that time, I was fascinated by the same stars! After class breaks, class breaks, go home from school and secretly fold!
Finally, on one day, my behavior completely angered the teacher. He criticized me in public and found a parent.
My dad took me home on the way, criticized me!
I really want to explain, but I don't even have a chance to speak.
My dad’s words made me completely sad, and I cried all the way back home.
He said: "You do not give yourself excuses all day not mind learning on the net know to do useless things, no wonder performance will regress."
Finally, the bottle that had not been filled with stars could not be sent out. Together with the birthday card, I was permanently hidden under the bed...
Until the university, one day, I received a message from my father, he said:
"Small, today, my mom and I will clean up the room and pull out a glass bottle from under the bed. I remember that Dad still married you for this matter, hoping that I have not been sad for a long time... Dad owes You are sorry, and Dad loves you too. Dad really likes this birthday present."
At that time, I was on the road. When I saw this text message, my tears couldn’t stop flowing, I cried and laughed. My roommate said that I was stupid.
They don't know, my father loves you, I have waited for a long time.
I always thought that he didn't love me so much. I didn't expect it, just because he said a lot of words, but he didn't say that he loved me. It was just because he told me what to do and what to do, but he forgot to listen to me. Say what.
So, look, parents know how to listen to children, how important!
Every child who comes to this world is always eager to be listened to by his parents.
Like an adult, when being listened to, the child will feel respected and accepted, and will feel a sense of security in the world.
A child with a sense of security is a happy child.
The real good for him is to respect his right to express and choose.
Many parents, like my father, always make decisions for their children and say "I am for you."
Because I personally know how much this practice hurts my child, I don't want to be another "my dad."
Therefore, after I got married, I learned to listen to what the child wants to say and encourage him to express his opinions.
Any decision, big school, small to eat tonight, I will listen to his opinion.
I always tell him: "Mom does not necessarily adopt your opinion, but my mother respects your right to speak and will do my duty to listen."
When a child makes a mistake, he or she should give the child an opportunity to express.
Many parents said that when I saw that he made a mistake, he could not help but marry him.
This clearly means that you don't know how to control your emotions. If your child is wrong, give him a chance and talk about why he is wrong.
The result of not giving the child is that I gave my father a hard time to prepare a birthday present, but my dad thought that his daughter was not doing business.
I think that any parent who does not want to be a child with a child.
So when the child makes you angry, give yourself and the child a calm time, you can let the child stay for 10 minutes.
After 10 minutes, when we digested our negative emotions, and waited for the child to calm down, we listened carefully to the child's true thoughts.
Only when you give him the opportunity to speak, he will respect the right of others to speak; only if you become an obedient parent, can he become an obedient child.
Parent-child communication is a practice, and we are all practitioners on this road.
Whether it is a first-time parent or a father and mother for many years, it is a long way to go in family communication.
But if we can master some communication skills and pay more attention to the way we talk, the distance between us and our children will be closer, and many family conflicts will be solved.
When your child is "disobedient", you can try the following methods:
Don't ask questions as you chat, learn to talk.
Whenever the child returns home, put down his bag and beside him, ask what you are eating tonight, what is your reaction?
A lot of parents blurted out a sentence: "Mom is busy? Don't mess around here, have you finished your homework? Did the results of the last test come out?"
We always talk to the children in the form of questioning. When we say such words, if we are careful, we will find that the children’s emotions have plummeted and pouted: "Don't you ask me? Say me, I Can't you do it now?"
As a result, when the child just entered the house, the atmosphere of happiness was gone, and the enthusiasm of the child was gone.
In the long run, in the eyes of children, learning is for parents, and efficiency and effectiveness are greatly reduced.
In fact, think carefully, the child does not want to write homework, but he left your day, the first moment of going home to talk to you, and your sentence asked them to let them go, wait for When they want to talk to him, they have already shut us out.
Don't think of asking questions as a chat, returning home, a smile, a response, maybe better, and even let children fall in love with learning.
Don't rush to deny your child, learn to feel empathy.
Another mistake that parents make when chatting is to rush to deny the child.
When the child makes a suggestion, he subconsciously denies the child, but this negation does not bring about a change in the result, but instead destroys the relationship with the child.
Therefore, when the child makes a request with us, we may wish to understand his ideas before making a decision.
For example, when a child says that Mid-Autumn Festival wants to go out for a day, you can:
The first step is to recognize the child's thoughts and close the distance: "Yes, where do you want to go?"
The second step is to empathize with the child and let the child feel cared for and respected: "Is it tired recently? Mom wants to go out and relax."
The third step is to start from yourself and guide the child to make the right decision and let the child recognize you:
"But Mom still has some things to be busy. Can you give Mom a day's time, let me get things done first? Do things to play with your heart, right? Do you have anything to do first?"
In this way, children are often more able to accept our advice, do their homework first, so that not only achieves our purpose, but also closer to the child.
Don’t just talk about teaching, you have to learn to listen.
When we want to convey some life experiences with our children, remember to turn a corner, don't be too blunt, don't open your mouth: "You should learn first", let the children speak better.
When we are parents, we must know how to let the children say, and we ourselves must know how to listen.
When children talk to me, they may just want to talk to someone. If we are fortunate enough to be the listener, please don't let the blunt preaching ruin the intimacy between us and the children.
Don't just know face-to-face conflicts, learn to be "opportunistic"
If we can't control our emotions when we talk to our children, we might be opportunistic, don't talk face to face.
Write a letter to your child, and many people should forget this communication method now.
But in fact, writing a letter can calm us down. In some words, the effect of writing down and speaking is totally different.
When we want to get angry with our children, it is better to sit down and write a letter or leave a note.
Or, leave the diary intentionally in the living room and let the children see it.
When you see your little bit of record from childhood to child, the child's heart should be left alone.
Don't tell the truth regardless of the occasion, learn to find the opportunity
Don't tell your child when there are outsiders.
If you educate your children in public, whether you are tough or tempted, your child will not accept it because he will feel no face.
When we think about youth, are we not good at face?
So, give your child some dignity, what's the matter, let's go home and say.
Nowadays, many parents are very busy at work, and they rarely have time to accompany their children. Therefore, the time of eating has become the "golden time" for parents to educate their children.
But the fact is that this practice not only has no educational significance, but also affects the child's appetite, hurts the body, and makes the child feel that it is a painful thing to eat with his parents.
Why don't you wait for the child to stop, and then two people sit down and talk about it seriously, and the timing of communicating this matter is also necessary.