In recent years, the root causes of various psychological problems of adults have been traced back to the original family. Therefore, more and more young parents are beginning to think about the ways and methods of children's education. Under the guidance of the media, the children's education problems have been paid attention to. An unprecedented height.
 
  With the reflection on education issues, society and the family are becoming more and more strict with the role of “mother”. The identity of “mother” has become more and more important. As a mother, it has become more and more anxious.
 
  1
 
  Those of us who are mothers are really alive and humble.
 
  Not long ago, a mother told me that in order to let her children do their homework well, she can be said to be deceived, even encouraged to praise, even applauded with praise, and fanfare like a neurosis!
 
  Recently, her daughter became fascinated with dance and practiced her waist every day. Once her daughter wrote homework and grinded her hair, she actually said, "You will finish your homework in ten minutes, and I will give you a waist!"
 
  After she finished, she suddenly realized that she had become so embarrassed! In order to let the children study hard, they really dare to do anything! Her height of one meter six, weight of 75Kg, her belly is like a globe: "I still have a waist! How can I have a waist!"
 
  After listening to her, I smiled and laughed and felt very bitter.
 
  On the one hand, the child is exhausted and exhausted, on the one hand, he restrains his emotions and makes himself full of energy . I have to review myself from time to time. Is it a problem that is not handled well and the child is aggrieved?
 
  Those of us who are mothers are really alive and humble!
 
  But even if it is so painstaking, is it a great achievement?
 
  The answer is: not necessarily.
 
  A mother named Tomato told me that she had been accompanying her daughter from the first grade. Until now, her daughter was in the second day of school. Instead of training her child into a school, she became more and more rigid with her. Now she is There is no way for children to talk calmly, and one mouth is quarreling.
 
  It’s not that education, but education is a failure. Why is this happening? Under normal circumstances, the failure of education can not be separated from these three reasons: the child does not work hard, the father does not contribute, the mother uses brute force.
 
  2
 
  The child does not work hard
 
  Who is the subject of education? It is a child. Who is the most hard-working person? It is a child.
 
  But in retrospect, the current state of education, who is the most hard-working person? It’s mom!
 
  I often see some mothers with classes on the street. They carry backpacks on their shoulders, carrying bags in their hands, holding all kinds of sundries in their arms, while walking and driving, they keep urging: Hurry up, be late!
 
  The child around me, playing with toys in his hands, looked around with his eyes, although he was forced by his mother, urging, but his face was not related to himself, and the years were quiet.
 
  Who is going to learn? Who is afraid of being late?
 
  Some reporters once went to a well-known educational institution to interview and found that in addition to the students full of students, the last three rows of each classroom are all parents, and some parents directly "same table" with their children to play a supervisory role. .
 
  No matter how much we pay for our children, we must first realize that children are the main body of education, and that children are the masters of their own education. Although the family and school environment have an impact on the growth of children, the final path for children will depend on it. For themselves.
 
  Regardless of the method used in education, if the child’s own internal drive is not awakened, if the child does not let the child work hard, the parents will do more and more, and the best they do is to promote the child.
 
  3
 
  Dad does not contribute
 
  I don't know if you found out that most of the parents/guardians who accompany them have grandpa, grandmother, mother, and no father.
 
  Maybe this is just a coincidence, maybe not.
 
  My friend Ou Tancheng told me honestly that I never worried about my father going to accompany my child to class. Generally, she accompanied her to class. She could listen to both ears outside the classroom. In case the child would not be there, she could also guide the second and third, if Dad Going to class, it is estimated that I will come back after playing two mobile games. What the child said is that he does not know or care.
 
  If you don't care, don't care, whoever makes you say it, learning is your child's own business!
 
  But they don't talk well, and when you talk, poke your lungs.
 
  Xiaoou said that she once took her children to learn the piano. The child wiped her tears and said that she should not go. It was stiff. Her husband appeared very promptly and shouted: "How many classes have been reported, and the children are reported every day. I don’t even have time to play! I’m not going to go, isn’t it a piano?! Doesn’t the piano affect the university?!”
 
  Do you often feel this way?
 
  In this home, you are relatives, I am a stepmother.
 
  Relatives are always "thinking for the children", and the stepmother is always "facing the child".
 
  Whenever the child retreats in the face of difficulties, the mother and the child compete, and encourage him to insist, the "relatives" always jump out to pour a cold water to the "stepmother": the child is stressed enough, what do you do so every day!
 
  There is a kind of suffering, which is called you do not understand my suffering.
 
  In the eyes of many dads, educating children is the same as enjoying flowers. If you think about it, you can take a look. If you can't think of it, you won't even look at it.
 
  Educating children, mother can be said to go all out, Dad, can only be considered to participate.
 
  4
 
  Mom brute force
 
  The child does not work hard, the father does not contribute, the teacher gives pressure. Under such a background, the mother will inevitably be anxious if she is emotionally 20,000.
 
  This led to the third factor in the failure of education: mothers use brute force.
 
  What is brute force? It is that the strength you spend is rough and clumsy. Although the strength is great, it is a pity that it has no effect, but it causes damage.
 
  My cousin's children took the senior high school entrance examination last year . On the eve of the senior high school entrance examination , the nephew found me. He said that the children's learning is not enough. They often go to school and have been asked many times. The tears are particularly pitiful.
 
  I thought to myself how this little nephew was so ignorant, so I called out to prepare a reprimand, but I thought that what he told me was another situation.
 
  He said that he was only an exam mistake, and the result was like detonating his mother like stepping on a minefield. From the beginning of the test failure, the mother reminded him to read the homework every day, just like learning the spell, causing him to have a headache when he heard the mother talking, and the mother moved the chair to sit next to him as soon as he finished the housework, like a living The camera monitors him.
 
  He is very aware of his mother's good intentions, but this rush of persecution makes him feel depressed, but he does not want to learn.
 
  This state of the scorpion is like the mother who I said at the beginning of the article. Because I want to make my child learn to improve too much, it is a bit unscrupulous.
 
  But there are some things, the more urgent you are, the more you will be counterproductive.
 
  Like the famous subtle metaphor, if you want to hold the sand in your hand, you will punch hard, but the tighter you are, the faster the sand in your hand will flow.
 
  So looking at it, there are not a few parents who are worried about each other, but there are very few who can really let the children grow up as expected.
 
  After all, education can not succeed , not because you have spent a lot of effort, how much effort you use, but how much effectiveness your education has produced.
 
  There is a particularly big drawback with brute force, that is, it is easy to make yourself frustrated, very wronged, and push yourself into the corner of the blame. Therefore, educating children must not be able to drill the horns. One way is not effective, it is better to change the way.
 
  Education can't use brute force. It's necessary to use cleverness. Maybe it can be used in four or two.
 
  5
 
  What role should a smart mother play?
 
  If the family is likened to a pole, the easiest way to walk is to have Mom and Dad at both ends of the pole and the child in the middle.
 
  If you want your child to go steady, the power that Mom and Dad give on both sides should be balanced. You are too strong. I also work harder. You raise it high. I will also give it a lift.
 
  If one party is too relaxed, it will make the other party very difficult. If the two sides are unbalanced and uncoordinated, it will make the children in the middle difficult.
 
  Successful education always has striking similarities. Although there are various reasons for failed education, it is nothing but the balance of the family.
 
  The role of mother is very important, but it is not so important. We must not only play the role of mother, but also play our own.
 
  A smart mother is definitely not a matter of love. It is necessary to know how to meet difficulties, but also to know that it is difficult to retreat!