Don't let our friendship, eventually die in a circle of friends

  Last time I had a birthday, I sent a circle of friends who wished my birthday a happy birthday.

  After returning to the chat interface, I received a long-lost friend's private message: Happy Birthday.

  I am happy to jump out of the chair, and quickly enter the box and say "Not bad, you stupid boy remembers to be the father."

  After thinking about it, I felt too contemptuous, deleted, and said "I thought you forgot my birthday."

  Think about it and feel too sad, delete it.

  Finally, I sent a "thank you".

  From special care to cancellation of care, from chat top to infrequent contact, from individual grouping to mass grouping, from seconds to seconds back to a circle of friends, the change in social software location records the process of friendship fades.

  "In the first week after the separation, we may still squeeze out time to see one side. After a few weeks we may be chilling in the same group. After a few more weeks, we only have to praise each other. Later, we even lazy to give each other point."

  Many times, the relationship between friends is like the lyrics. "After disbanding, each of them meets as a guide and accepts that they have a way to go."

  Acquaintance is inevitable that people are in the wind, and it is impossible for you to gather together.


  When the class reunion, they will feel their emotions. In addition to recollecting the past, they will be bragging. The brothers who accompanied the layups when they were young, the sisters who went to the bathroom together during the class, but in just a few years, there was nothing to meet each other. Say.

  It may be that the interpersonal relationship has reached a transitional period when the youth is not connected. When I was a child, my playmates have already established a family. The younger classmates are now safe and self-confident, and the university confidants are scattered all over the world.

  There are very few new friends, and the old playmates are separated.

  We always sigh, old friends don't understand the new situation, new friends don't understand the old temper.

  However, most people are chasing a solid friendship while not having enough ability to maintain each relationship.

  In 2005, in order to study people's social relationships, evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar sent a "Christmas card" to measure how many people can maintain a friendship that requires "a certain amount of time and energy costs." A person can only establish a substantial relationship with a maximum of 150 people. It is impossible to have more than this number.

  In this way, no matter how long you are in the human world, you can write a piece of paper with friends who have a substantial connection with you.

  If the words in "Meeting Strangers" are true, people will encounter an average of 29.2 million people in their lifetime, and they will make friends with 3,000 of them and love one of them. Now you are not only making friends with them. 150 people, and 2,850 interpersonal relationships, either in the future that has not yet arrived, or have been sinking in the past without knowing it.

  Therefore, in the long river of life, the dissipation of a friendship is almost inevitable.


  Sometimes we blur the boundaries between "friendship" and "long distance."

  Looking back at the friendship of young people, we will find that the closeness of people is often closely related to the spatial distance.

  When I was young, my activities were limited and my friends were limited. Small hair is like a movie and TV series. It’s not the same classmates, it’s the neighbor next door, and it’s not the parents’ friendship. The two often come and go.

  I escaped classes, talked about gossip, and watched the next class guy on the window sill. After spending several years, I shared 80% of each other's youth memories.

  I remember that Awu in "Chongqing Forest" likes to stay in the old house and talk to himself about an old towel that has been used for several years. A simple memory community, like Awu, an emotionally rich towel, your nostalgia for the old friendship is just a kind of nostalgia for the past. The person you miss is just a symbol of the old time.

  People are social animals that have an attachment to familiar people and things. Walking in the crowd, each closer to a person, will be farther away from another person.

  When I was young, I always wanted to chase the unknown and the distance.

  I feel that the future is still very long. I often choose to see the new world and make new partners. When we are old and consciously, we will gradually "seek stability" and retreat into the turtle shell of emotional satisfaction.

  Reflected in behavior, it is to abandon new social channels, and is more willing to get along with old friends with stable relationships.

  Life pushes us from this shore to the other side, and there are new people around us. The friendship that fades when you are young is really: after talking about the past, there is nothing to say.


  Even friends who have treated each other sincerely will lose to the three views that are gradually drifting away.

  When I returned to my youth, there were a lot of classmates in the class. The basketball team had a small team of people wearing the same dirty jersey. There were also several cute girls in the dance class. Everyone has a collective memory of getting along with each other, but why are you? Become a friend?

  I think it is because of the original approval. With a similar three-view, there is a common topic, with an initial emotional foundation.

  There is no difference in the three views, but there is a difference between you and me. A similar concept puts the two together, and the value orientation that gradually drifts away separates the two.

  Time can't leave the same traces for everyone. One day, you will find that you have new friends who are in line with your own views. Young friends are only suitable for nostalgia.


  Different circles do not have to be strong.

  I have a college classmate who has a very good personality and will take care of people and not lose her temper.

  After in-depth interaction, she told me: "Actually, my character is good, the main reason is that I am inferior, I am afraid of offending someone, so I can only be good for everyone.

  Friendship is actually a matter of not quite grasping the "degree", and it is easy to fall into two extremes:

  One is the singular promise, and one sentence does not dare to say; one is the right and left, busy with all people to have a good relationship.

  The two different manifestations, the starting point is the same: fear of interpersonal relationship to bring trouble to themselves.

  But you have to understand that the friendship exchanged with a low-pitched attitude is not stable, and an endless concession will only make the friendship stop on the day when it can't stand it.

  Just like paying for fire, the salary is not enough, and the fire is not extinguished.

  You fantasize by building a circle to build your own level, but you don't think the essence of the circle is that people of the same level get together.

  One of the important things about growing up is realizing that it is impossible for everyone to like you.

  Young people who have just stepped into the society are often eager to get into various circles and use "knowing people" to show their value.

  The code that was swept around the lectures, the contact manuals collected at the venue after the end of the industry exchange, the big guys who have been added to the group... before you really have the strength of dialogue, those who don’t call you The network, at best, is a number of friends.

  Similarly, the rough friends in the group chat, the micro-businesses who sell things in the circle of friends every day, the classmates and colleagues who live in the life, the people who talk in the way... they are not your friends, just your WeChat Contact person.

  For people of different levels, you don't have to deliberately blend together, and you don't have to change your mind to cater to each other. You should know that some friendships are laid-off.


  Some people, maybe you have seen the last side of this life, just not aware.

  It can't be denied that some people can reap the good friends who have been with them for a lifetime. Some people can return to a decade ago with a long-lost old man. Some friends are sharing the emotions in the first place.

  There is nothing to do when you meet, don’t always remember Jun. A friend who can have such feelings is a minority of happiness.

  More friends, rather than everyone who has grown up and rushed to each other's future, "have their own happiness," it is better to say "everything has its own desires."

  Sometimes I feel that social media is a very cruel invention, so that the original tacit alienation between old friends becomes clearly visible. You look at the friends and other people who have been talking and laughing, but you never bypass your circle of friends. It can only be pretending that nothing has happened.

  The input method shows the abbreviation and also shows your name. My mom also asked me, "Why don't you go find someone who played," but I don't remember.