It’s not the distance that beats us, it’s the gap.Time:2019-08-07 | Release:Inspirational | Category:Sad log
At the time when the study agent went to work, every day at noon, the intern Shu Fang had a call first.
The talk time is not long, and the longest is only three or five minutes. There is not much content in the call. Anyway, what I heard, except for "Hmm, yeah," is greetings and greetings.
Asked who she is calling, where the other party is, and where she is, she is only smiling, not to say a word.
A few of the same age, in order to show friendship, lunch wants to ask her to eat canteen together, but always see her call, we will not bother.
Therefore, the old colleague is always secretly talking about her, saying that she must be first love, otherwise she can not be so tired, not with the crowd.
After half a year, she went smoothly and did not call at noon. It became a formal colleague, and everyone didn't make fun of her. She often took her to dinner.
Around 2011, Weibo began to flourish, and it became popular in the public. Everyone added friends, which is called “mutual powder”.
At that time, the leaders took the lead and said that they would do an Excel and include each employee's account number. For a time, everyone is busy, registering an account, perfect content.
Finally, the departmental assistant statistics, only two people do not have an account, one is me, the other is Shu Fang. In fact, I already have an account, but I don’t want to disclose my identity. The reason for Shu Fang is not known.
At that time, Weibo did not have a real name system, so I temporarily registered a vest, sent a few photos of late night shifts, and attached a few lyrical words and handed them in.
In desperation, Shu Fang also handed in, but not the vest. Because looking at her first Weibo, it was in January 2009, it said: Maybe, we can get closer, right?
After paying attention, I swept a few eyes from the trip. The text part verified that she was a long-distance relationship. The picture part, not eating steak, drinking coffee, is a bar, and Jiangnan, it is estimated to show us her luxury. . At that time, there were a lot of Weibo waiting for me to peep and read two pages. I didn't think about it.
The Shu Wei's Weibo was open, and her colleagues' attitude towards her was completely changed. Some of them started to be very flattering, some began to deliberately avoid, and some wanted to isolate her, and said that she was drunk in the back.
This contrast, but it evoked my curiosity. When I was fine, I specifically turned over two pages. From Weibo, I found her blog linking Weibo.
Sliding into her space and reading her log, I realized that the actual version is not what everyone thinks.
Before Shu Fang came to Beijing, he was a university in Guangxi. Before going to university, he was a high school in a county in Guangxi.
She and her boyfriend met, also in the county, the same high school.
She had a relationship with her boyfriend. She didn't dare tell the family. The two people just made an appointment. When they were in the college entrance examination, they should apply to the same university, at least in the same city.
God does not support early love, this is the original words in her diary. As a result, the first year, the first choice, the two are not enough.
Her family had no money, so she had to follow the second choice, a second-rate university, not far from home. The boys are wealthy at home, and eventually spend money to find a relationship with the Foundation. Although they have to study for another year, they are still top universities, and they are located in Shanghai, first-tier cities.
Ten days and a half, the relationship between the two is still good. After a long time, the problem has arisen.
On the phone side, Shu Fang is going to discuss eating and drinking every time; on the other side of the phone, it is the flowery wines mentioned by her boyfriend, what is the club to open the party, what to play Weibo friends, what to buy a single counter street shooting. She doesn't understand all kinds of new terms.
On the phone side, she wants to talk about wedding wedding dresses; on the other side of the phone, he often discusses other people's sisters, worships his legendary brother, and changes his girlfriend three times a year. Her marriage view, she did not dare to agree, but she did not dare to say straight, afraid that the other side was disgusted, saying that he had not seen any world.
I think Shu Fang should be simple and strong at this time. So she opened Weibo so early, wrote a blog, wrapped herself so thoroughly, so old-fashioned, not even afraid of pointing and joking.
It was only at that time that she passed the gap to the distance. I thought that as long as two people chat, communicate and meet, the long distance relationship can be successful .
So she began to work hard to save money, in order to buy a train ticket to and from Shanghai, in order to buy a brand name, so that they are not so eye-catching in the crowd, in order to no longer accept charity, drink, sing K, travel can occasionally take the first step money.
In the canteen, there are 5 cents and two steamed buns, and 3 cents or two of pickles. She has to eat for 7 days a week. It is not enough. She even swindles the family and makes various reasons to say that she wants to buy the postgraduate materials and spend money to test the driver's license.
She said she began to hate poverty. The more she can, the more she pretends not to care, at least not letting the other person feel that she is dealing with him for money.
Biting his teeth, for three years in college, Shu Fang has finally passed.
Senior school, is preparing to call her boyfriend, and discuss with him the job after graduation, where to settle. One day, her boyfriend called in front of her and directly informed her that he was ready to study in the United States, applied for a part of the scholarship, and the rest of the money went out.
Shu Fang asked him what he did when he went abroad.
He said casually, let me follow her.
"Let me go abroad, how to go out, who will pay for it", Shu Fang is angry and angry, I wanted to return a few words to him, but when I got to my lips, I was swallowed. She feels that if she says she has no money, she will definitely look down on herself.
"Well, I think about it again." After calmly saying this, she hung up the phone and cried with a pillow.
Perhaps at that moment, she began to realize vaguely that what hindered them was not the physical distance, but the gap, material and spiritual.
Originally, two people from a county town, because of their different family circumstances, have gone out of their homes and their lives are getting bigger and bigger. One will become a "turtle" and one will continue to be a bandit.
This gap allows the other party to become a mountain and become an ang.
This gap allows her to obey and give herself to the other party.
Love is always so sincere in the age of lack of money. For the first love, for the five-year relationship, she once again chose humble, graduated internship application to study abroad company.
I saw here that I realized that Shu Fang’s purpose was not to find a job, but to find ways to study abroad , learn the various ways to go abroad, and then find ways to apply for it.
Other methods are not unthinkable, but the family is too poor, the parents are honest workers, and the monthly salary is several thousand. I want to go and think, it is not illegal to go abroad, but only this one.
She was afraid that her colleagues would find that she was afraid of being expelled from her boss, so she did not dare to chat on the computer. She secretly called her boyfriend every day, and comforted the other party not to abandon herself. She was thinking of a solution. There are more and more calls, and the conversation time is getting shorter and shorter. I don't know how to please him.
If I apply for going abroad, the idea is smart, but the longer I work, the more I know, the more disappointing she is. Because even if I got the offer, I applied for a scholarship from a foreign university, and the cost of going abroad was too much. A small ticket for overseas travel is also a thousand dollars, not to mention any data fees, agency fees, and living expenses. Even if she doesn't eat or drink at noon every day, she can't find a fraction of this huge sum.
In this way, she spent another half a year, until one day, after thinking about everything, she proposed a breakup.
The excuse for breaking up, even Shu Fang himself can not remember.
Just remembering the phone, after she stated a lot, the other party acquiesced, and then asked her if there was anything else.
She just wanted to answer, and the other party hung up the phone. Even the words "I wish you happiness" did not have time to say.
Put away the phone, Shu Fang said that he did not cry, did not drink, because he still has to go to work the next day.
5 years and 173 days, this is the time for the two to interact, she wrote in the blog that night.
She said that until the last moment of the breakup, the two did not have any conflicts, and there was no fierce quarrel. It was only these years that the two people gradually drifted away.
Just like the rubber band between the two, it has been pulled too tight, beyond the coefficient of elasticity.
It’s not that you can’t be together, but you just can’t hold it.
It's not that we can't overcome the distance, nor that we are very poor. We don't think it's worthy of him. It's definitely not; but no matter how hard we struggle, we can't catch up with each other's footsteps.
When people are at home, they can send him to a prestigious university, but they can only stay in a small town.
When you take the change that you have worked hard, ask the classmates to change to the whole ticket. They ask questions and ask what you do.
When I watched the money, I disappeared into the ticket window, the bar counter, and disappeared into the tourist attraction of 10 yuan a bottle of mineral water. I also had to smile and pretend not to feel bad.
When he was going to go to his city, he wanted to go abroad, and he couldn't wait to ask him what to do. He said coldly when he said "When you go out together."
When they are gradually drifting away from each other, even the back of the other party can't be caught.
I think, we finally lost the reasons for being together.
The latest one, she wrote such a passage:
I met him 2000 days ago and found that everything is so good.
After 2000 days, I left him, and everything was as good as before.
Just, I can't touch it anymore.
Forgive me, I am too tired and tired.
Forgive me, I can't keep up with his steps.
Forgive me, I used to love him with immature, helpless, humble youth.
Turning off the blog, I flipped through her Weibo.
Her first Weibo, or that paragraph: Maybe, we can get closer, right?
Her last Weibo is a non-mainstream selfie. The background should be a bar or KTV. The boy next to her should be her ex-boyfriend.
Look at the last time, December 25, 2010.
Last year's Christmas, right now, happens to be a year.