Happy marriage, can not do without these six thingsTime:2019-10-10 | Release:Inspirational | Category:Insights on life
Happy marriage, can not do without these six things
Mr. Qian Zhongshu wrote in his book: Marriage is a besieged city, people outside the city want to go in, people in the city want to come out.
Love is easy. Two people can fall in love at first sight because they look at the crowd. They can't wait for the heart of the heart to be given to each other. Marriage is difficult, and trivial things will trigger a battle of claws and claws.
So people who once wanted to enter the marriage hall with their beautiful love now want to flee from this besieged city with their dissatisfaction.
But what is interesting is that the marriage between Qian Zhongshu and Yang Lan was not trapped in this siege.
Qian Zhongshu said that Yang Lan is a wife, a lover, a friend, and a unique unity. Yang Lan also said frankly:
"The husband and wife should be friends for life. The most important thing for husband and wife is friendship. Even if they are not close friends, they should at least be friends who can be partners or partners who respect each other. The relationship between lovers and friends is not sustainable. Not enough friends, I had to break up."
It can be seen that for marriage, Yang Lan knows the word "management".
Not all marriages are besieged, and only a bad marriage is a siege.
After all, there is no such thing as a once-and-for-all thing in the world. A good marriage will always be a must-have business. What should be done to make your marriage last?
Learn to listen and maintain high quality communication
The most easily overlooked in marriage is often listening. Everyone is used to emphasizing their own ideas and demands. They simply blame each other for not understanding themselves and not knowing what they need.
But sometimes, he said that you don't want to listen, then you never know what the other person wants, and the other person never knows what you want, no love or no love, but no positive communication and listening between you.
Some people say that marriage is not just eating together, sleeping together, shutting down the life in the room, and more importantly, maintaining high-quality communication between the two.
It is the process of mutual understanding and the best way to resolve conflicts by calming down and listening to each other's needs and communicating the ideas of both sides.
Listen to what the other party is saying, respect and affirm, and they are naturally willing to go back and listen to you.
Do not praise, know how to appreciate each other
The man lives in a small boy who needs praise from others to gain a sense of accomplishment, especially from your affirmation, which is in fact vital to them.
Going to my friend Jianing’s house for dinner, her husband made a delicious table for us. We are full of praise, but they are not as good as Carrian, and look at her husband with admiration, and praise each dish with enthusiasm. It is simply a state of fascination.
Her husband smiled and said: "Dear, you boast that I am embarrassed, eat more and eat more." Then she was given a peeled prawns, so that we are envious.
I have to know that her husband didn’t know how to cook and cook food. It’s all that Carnation boasted every day. It can be seen that the encouragement of the other half not only makes him better, but more worthy of him. It will be especially important to see you because of your affirmation.
To manage a sweet marriage, you must always praise each other, so don't yell at your compliments, appreciate each other's luminous points, and encourage him every attempt.
Dare to show weakness, know how to admit mistakes and good
Zhang Zhilin said about the marriage with Yuan Yuyi: "Every time I quarrel, I will think about how I will lose her, so I cherish it. I would rather take the initiative to admit my mistakes, because I cherish every day she is, men! Nothing, most afraid of losing it, too late to regret it."
An apology seems to be a man's duty. When a woman is angry, she always hopes that a man can apologize in a low voice, and then he will be martyrdom, and then slowly forgive him to show his status in love.
But not every man is Zhang Zhilin, willing to admit mistakes unconditionally, if a woman has been obsessed with a man to apologize to be reconciled, then you will only push him farther and farther.
Marriage is not a struggle, no win or lose, try to think from the other side's point of view, see your own fault, do not reluctantly or die to face, dare to show weakness, is the power of self-confidence .
Seeing each other's strengths, but also tolerating shortcomings
Huang Lei once said warmly about Sun Li's shortcomings: "Frankly speaking, she is an ordinary girl, she has no mavericks, and she does not deliberately publicize. She is very beautiful, but she is not dazzling, nor has anything to be. In housework, she doesn't cook or work hard, although she washes her dishes first. At work, she almost gave up her acting career for her children and family, but she has been lazy and hard to work before she gave up, although she is very talented. ”
He described his partner's shortcomings with advantages. He couldn't see a little disgust. Instead, he had love and pity. In fact, men and women are the same. They must not only see each other's strengths, but also understand each other's shortcomings.
There is no perfect person. Since it is a marriage, if two people get along with each other, it is impossible to get along with each other's advantages and ignore the shortcomings.
There is no shortage of women who love to die because of the merits of men, and hate their teeth because of his shortcomings.
If you resist his shortcomings, you will only increase your worries and ruin your love. You may learn to be tolerant and communicate, and tolerate his shortcomings from the gaps of merit.
Create an equal relationship between husband and wife
The most terrible thing in marriage is that one party is willing to pay hard, and the other party is indifferent to each other without fear. Such an unequal marriage is, after all, a party, or two people are not happy.
Jia Pingwa said: "A man is born with the temperament of being easy to get tired. So, a smart woman wants to be valued by a man forever. A wife must always be favored by her husband. What she should pursue is not to let men possess, nor Possession of men, or possession of men, also possesses men. It is equality and self-independence to transform this relationship."
Women can maintain their independence in economics and ideology. They do not completely depend on men. They are not eager to occupy men at all times. They are the premise of equality in marriage. It is better to master the scale and give the two sides more space. This can be true. Mutual respect.
A wise woman understands that an equal relationship can make a good marriage.
It is not that you look up to him with the eyes of love, nor look down on him with contempt, but you look at the same direction side by side.
Accompanying is the longest confession
I have read this sentence : "The reason we need marriage is that we need a person who respects each other, regardless of poverty and disease, happiness and sadness, can accompany us."
Indeed, not only is the longest accompany love confession, marriage is an integral part of the life force, did not accompany each other, everything is nothing but bubbles.
Love may not be inseparable from freshness, but long-term marriage is inseparable from companionship, such as Chen Daoming and Du Xian, both of whom are doing manual work in front of the window; such as San Mao and Jose, sitting opposite, occasionally reading Like the words, read each other to each other.
You can also put down the cumbersome affairs for a while, prepare dinner together, take a walk in the quiet path after dinner, talk about the past, and talk about the newly opened jasmine on the balcony.
Turning around in a dull or warm life can see each other, the most beautiful look of love.
As the saying goes, the best time to plant a tree is ten years ago, followed by the present, which indicates that it is not too late to grasp the moment, and the same is true for a marriage. Maybe your marriage process is not so flat, but please do not Give up, marriage is not a wave of twists and turns, such as sloping water, more like a swaying potted plants, you care.
The so-called happiness, but business.
May you have a long-lasting marriage in your long years, with your heart and mind.