Peking University is my beautiful and shy dream
 
  Have you ever had this experience - when you are hungry for a piece of bread when you are hungry, someone smiles and gives you a lobster? I have had it. When I was craving for a Peking University Finance Department Admission Notice, a reporter called to tell me: "You are the provincial science champion of Sichuan Province this year." Unbelievable Muran, unbelievable ecstasy - I like A crab waving a pair of tongs is rampant in the room (of course, I think this is a normal reaction). Then there is the reporter, then the interview, the camera, then the show... Then - I am very calm, I feel uncomfortable. "What am I?" This is the question I most want to ask when I face the camera. "What am I?" - a "No. 1"? - "What is the champion?" - "A person who has a good exam." Yes, in the eyes of countless people, I am a "very good exam. A person who has a great test. This makes me uncomfortable. A voice is stubbornly choked: "If I am eye-catching, that 713 points will never be the only reason." "I don't allow any of my three-year experience to be summarized in that three days." "I am not A tiled examination paper, I am three-dimensional, bloody and fleshy."... So, the thoughts accumulated in this heart, the little disturbing factor in this soul makes me sometimes look like when facing it. A happy fountain, sometimes like a passive toothpaste. I said to myself: "Don't be smug," all newspapers are only useful in "Today." But am I not stupid? In addition to the 713 points in my 18 years of experience, what other vigorous deeds? Isn't that 713 points given me the right to sit here today to write my mood? I patrolled in the shallow sea of ​​memory, trying to find some shiny shells that would allow "high school students and parents to get something more valuable from them", but bring back the gravel. In front of the mirror in the middle of the night, I don't think that the mirror is a successful guy, but it is not a test machine. I am a storyteller. I am willing to write my confusion and thinking, not just "the champion growth record." Please forgive the pride of a wayward guy. Write me, I am willing to write from the beginning.
 
  Grandma goes away
 
  Someone once advised me to change the "Tong" in the name to "the same". He said that my name was fierce, but I insisted that I would not, because this "Tong" word has a special meaning to me.
 
  The name was taken by my grandmother. At that time, I was still in my mother's stomach. Grandma said that both men and women use this name. However, everyone knows that she wants a boy because her father is her only son.
 
  It is a pity that in this bet she lost a mess. Because in this world, not everything can be planned, even if she is so eager for a "side of the phoenix tree." 18 years ago, in a certain corner of a certain delivery room in a certain city, a severe old man walked away and stayed. A pale, lonely woman on the pale sheets, holding a ugly child with a big mouth "wow" crying. On the other side of the earth, on the sea where the memory is blurred, the young father received a telegram of “born a woman” and lay down for two weeks for two weeks. Soon, Grandma passed away. I became "I" and the name was stolen by me. I am a poor thief, inadvertently tired of my innocent mother.
 
  Haitong, Haitong, Haitong...
 
  "Phoenix sings, in Bi Gaogang. Wutong oysters, in the Chaoyang."
 
  I should be a eight-foot man. Even if you can't get a gold horse, you should be in the sand, and you should have a jade tree in the wind. It’s a pity that I am just a “useless” girl in his population, neither beautiful nor dexterous.
 
  A few years ago, I accidentally turned to the entry in the dictionary: "Haitong, evergreen shrub plants, short plants, white flowers." I relieved, I said to myself: It turns out that there is no more than me. Haitong is more aptly interpreted. I am just a bunch of ordinary shrubs. I have white flowers in my life's waiting, and then declare my innocence. “Can it just be like this?” Someone laughed at me: “Just be willing to be a sea paulownia? You are willing to use this term as your argument for many years to relieve the frustration that you can’t become the 'Wutong' as expected. Is it? Once I have determined that I am a sea paulownia, will it solve the shackles that I put on my birth? Will I give up the struggle that I have become a 'Wutong' for many years ? Will it lose the desire to grow taller? ?"
 
  I am a poor thief and I have no defense lawyer. After I finally found the argument, I found out that the judge died prematurely, and the audience was gone. Only I was alone, standing alone in the court of memory, and being helpless and unable to become "Wu Tong" The struggle for tug-of-war in my heart is doomed to be permanently struggling and resisting.
 
  I am smarter than I imagined.
 
  I remember that at the age of three, I was in a class in the kindergarten. I felt another kind of frustration: my fat hands were completely powerless for the two shoelaces, and I squatted on the floor. Two ropes against me, I heard someone gently say: "This kid is still okay, he is very stupid." This sentence is really light, but I firmly remember and believe: I It is a child who is still stupid in his mind. I have always avoided taking part in manual activities because I am "hands stupid", so I still don't know if I am origami. In preparation for the New Year's Day celebration in the third day, I found that I was the fastest and fastest one in the balloon system. I suddenly realized that my hand can be very smart. It’s ridiculous, an unintentional sentence makes a child stupidly remember for so many years, inferiority for so many years. Some words have long been light and light for you, but they are unforgettable to me.
 
  We often affirm the value of ourselves under the hints and judgments of others. There are always moments when others' expectations are difficult to achieve, and others' judgments make us frustrated. For a child who understands the world and only knows how to believe, some judgments will be rooted in the heart and make him doubt himself. "Self", especially psychologically, is a lifelong mystery for almost everyone. Therefore, I believe in the subconscious, believe in potential, and believe that attitude determines fate.
 
  Many people are "drilling" my " learning secrets" with the look of "treasure hunt" and often cannot satisfy my answer. In fact, almost everyone knows the correct way to learn. In the gap between empty talk and practice, before the gap between the ten days of the college entrance examination and the long-term hard work of the primary and secondary school, the difference between each person is different. The reason for the choice is simple, and everyone has a different attitude. What is the attitude? Applying a book: "Attitude is the standard of success. The attitude towards self-survival may be the key to opening the door to success, or it may be a lock." For me, attitudes and people's minds and experiences seem to be inseparable. So I believe that some words have an influence on life.
 
  Habit is a power
 
  My childhood is not sunny. I am often locked in the house to pour the organ, words and comic strips. Because of the harsh and strict parents, I have a lot of different memories: I used the childish voice to recite Li Wei ’s word "虞美人", and then carefully waited for the applause of my uncle and aunt; after the escape piano class, I was fined. On the bench for an entire afternoon, and was deprived of dinner, after being accused by the organ teacher, the mother tried to do it, and the mother said with a word: "If you want to do something, you must do it well, otherwise you will do it. Don't do it." After the first exam in primary school scored 99 points, I was afraid to blame my dad, I was hiding in the doorway and crying, I didn't dare to go home. On the way to my father, I was buried under the leadership of my father. Application questions for apples and pears...
 
  In the intentional and unintentional suggestion and training, I slowly became very hard to do everything. I always hope that I can do a good job. After many years, I suddenly realized that it became a habit. !
 
  habit! What a terrible and powerful force! I can't deny that this habit has brought a lot of promotion to my life and school, but it also brought me tremendous pressure, although I didn't notice it at first. This kind of pressure, as the years passed, became so strong that I was struggling because my parents were repeatedly playing the exam in the college entrance examination. When I repeatedly stressed that “I don’t give me pressure”, I was a bitter smile – this pressure came from the punishment of more than a decade ago. That reprimand, even the reward. Is this the "cause and effect" that the Buddhist family said? You have chosen the delicious taste of the fish, and you have chosen the entanglement of the fishbone. There is no sale in the world. As my experience grows, I find that “habits” bring another negative effect: I am afraid of mistakes, I become as perfect as my mother, the only difference is that I clearly know that “perfect” is always Can not be met! Such psychological obstacles and the paranoia and unruly peculiarity of the 13-year-old "achieve" the psychological course of my junior high school three years.
 
  Enjoy the beauty of youth
 
  I climbed into the high school from the middle school of Shishi Middle School without any suspense. When I stood quietly in front of the stone room, only the quaint red wall and green tile stood in silence with me. A thousand words. I wrote in the first weekly note of high school : "The world is dusty, especially the soul is quiet, in the science class of talented people, facing more cruel competition, but seeking peace and quiet on the heavens, I believe in life. I will do my best for myself." High 2001 class 1 (science class) is always a term that I can't help but smile. Just like a classmate wrote in his graduation message: "Only because of the gathering of 54 guys who call themselves 'genius', there is a gust of wind, lightning, thunderstorms - the melody in these songs of youth, but our body The instinct of the annual ring." In the third year of the 2001 class, it became the interpretation of youth for each of our classmates. We can win awards in the national mathematics and physics competition; we can get an average score of 640 points in the college entrance examination; we can shine in the chorus and art festivals; we can also use one of the curriculums for each person to make playing cards. Passing time... In such a group, it is hard not to study hard, and it is difficult to be active. So far, every time I think about the high school life, I can get something new.
 
  In the three years of high school life, the unfortunate death of Xiaogu’s unfortunate death has hit me hard. In the great pain, I suddenly realized that the trains that lived in the life sometimes derailed, so we will become unrecognizable. There is no constant life , who knows what will happen next time in the next second, what kind of pain will there be? So there is no eternal, only this moment, can feel and master for us. Instead of like some people who want to grab something at every moment but have nothing to gain, it is better to do the fireworks in the night, in an instant, to illuminate our pale soul with the enthusiasm of life. I began to "enjoy" mistakes, "experience", and also invested in a lot of extracurricular life, participated in dance competitions in the festival, showed a eloquence in the class debates, and greeted the members of the International Health Organization in English short-term meetings. Chen "smoking hazard", playing a progressive student in the drama "Shishi Fengyun" in the rehearsal of the celebration... I can also watch the beloved "Slam Dunk Master" on TV, you can watch the ballet while eating popcorn lace, you can also pick up the light night battle. Write a weekly note... Yes, Zhou Ji, although originally due to the teacher's homework requirements, has become the most beautiful page of my life. Because there is no "yes" and "no" in Zhou Ji, it will always be a "self" world, a "beauty" world. I just want to express pure self-feeling and not care about other people's comments. What if the brush strokes are tender? I am 16 years old, and my tenderness is my right and my life. Before the college entrance examination, I would rather "sacrifice" for a whole day to enjoy this kind of free expression of happiness. I have always felt that many things can't be done if I don't hurry to do it.
 
  Peking University is my beautiful and shy dream
 
  Even if I smile and feel every surprise and happiness in life, the pressure brought by the college entrance examination is still like the slang in Wang Jiawei's movie. When I was very young, Peking University and Tsinghua University were all definitions of the university in my mind. I went to Peking University - just like being a beautiful and shy dream, but life is a tramp between accident and inevitability, the future The road is blurred and blurred. You can always find new encouragement and blows in the constant exams . I have to practice "walking" on campus. I have to compare with my classmates to "play exercises." I have to calculate the rankings again and again... I often Feel afraid. A fear has been entangled in me like a cold, and I stumbled across the college entrance examination. What am I afraid of? Is it afraid that your performance can not meet the requirements of others, or can you not meet your own requirements? Confidence, I am only a mirage in the desert, whispering stubbornly in the softest corner of my heart. But I have always been lucky. In my long life, I have people who love me and present me with flowers. In every moment that they can't forget, they are all there, and say to me gently and firmly over and over again: "You can do it, you can do it." These cares are the source of all my confidence.
 
  And when and when do I no longer need their encouragement, will I really take my path firmly and confidently?