2018 funny sentences
  1. Life is really boring. Last month, one of my buddies borrowed 4000 yuan from me and said that I was going to do a plastic surgery. Now I don't know what he is like.
  2. You ask me, where is happiness? I tell you, if you pick up your toes, you will be closer to happiness. If you close your eyes, you will feel happiness...
  3, for a long time, we are separated, I looked at your shy red cheeks, whispered to you, feeling happy? You gently bowed, and the singer returned: You are eating garlic today.
  4, menstrual blood is the uterus crying for loneliness, dreams are the seminal vesicles in order to suppress tears. Menstruation once a month, dreams are not regular, which shows that men do not cry easily...
  5, look at the beauty in the street, the higher point is to appreciate, the lower point is the rogue.
  6. I have done a lot of stupid things, but I don't care. My friends call it " confidence ."
  7. A farmer's daughter is so ugly that he had to let her go to the cornfield to scare the crows. As a result, she not only scared the crow away, but even three crows scared to send some corn back.
  8, Valentine's Day does not break up, you are not happy, right? I really don't understand why the couple will always break up on Valentine's Day.
  9, life, can not hang on a tree, try to die several times in the nearby trees.
  10. A monkey must first stuff it into the butt before eating it. The administrator explained: Someone once fed the peach, the peach core could not be pulled out, the monkey was scared, and now must be measured and eaten.
  11. Think of Qixi as a Singles Day, it is not so lonely, not so painful.
  12, I wish that Valentine's Day tomorrow is a big sun day, put a pair of lovers into a big scone.
  13. It’s almost Tanabata, and those who love me, how can you be so calm?
  14, I am more forgetful, so my wife often yells at me, saying that when you go out to work in the rainy days, don't pull the umbrella, so there are already ten umbrellas in the house.
  15. Clerk: Miss, your ten hundred dollar bills are counterfeit. Prostitute: Ah! ... I was raped!
  16. What is my father's pursuit of life? I answered money and beauty, my father fiercely hit my face; I answered career and love , my father touched my head with appreciation.
  17, the official experience of rolling down - Lu Yao knows the fart, seeing people for a long time. Quotes from a friend's wine table on the Three Gorges Online.
  18, your eyes squat, I will die, your eyes will squat again, I will come over, your eyes will keep coming and going, so I will die!
  19, wife, I should not use the sheets to clean the shoes, but the business trip just came back, I will not change for a while, I was wrong.
  20. If marriage is the tomb of love, then the model husband and wife are at best, but the 'model cemetery'.
  21, the female bird burst into tears, the male bird said in an angry way: How many times have I told you, this ring is the person of the bird research station put it on me, not the wedding ring! I'm not married!
  22, contraceptive effect: not successful , then into the 'people'.
  23. A military parade, the head of the army walked over, "comrades are good", "the head is good", "comrades are working hard", "serving the people", "comrades are tanned" and "the head is darker."
  24, Xiao Ming and Xiaohua went to the zoo to play. When entering the door, Xiao Ming pointed to Xiaohua and said to the janitor: "Look clearly! Wait a minute, don't say I stole your monkey!"
  25, ate dinner to enjoy smoking on the balcony, and suddenly see a flash of light in the night sky, the heart is excited: Meteor! So I made a wish... I made six or seven wishes, blinked, the smoke had already been exhausted, and I threw the balcony out and suddenly heard the voice of a girl downstairs: "Wow! Meteor! Wishing soon..."
  26, men are divided into two, one is lascivious, one is very lascivious; women are also divided into two, one is pretending to be pure, one is pretending not pure.
  27, no matter how tall the woman stands, the squat can only wet the land under the feet; the man is amazing, the station is higher, the urine is farther!
  28, the father said to her daughter's boyfriend sternly: "You can only do something else with my daughter watching movies every day?" The young man was surprised and happy: "Do you mean that you can do other things?" ”
  29, do not go out in the rainy days, although the rain is not poisonous, wet things are small, gonorrhea is big.
  30, the real head is omnipotent, you can eat when you are hungry. If you want to eat a cake, you will flatten the hoe; if you want to eat noodles, you will comb the hoe with a comb; if you want to eat burgers, you will cut the hoe and eat it...
  31. For many people, whether it is Spring Festival estrus or Valentine's Day, this is a question worth considering.
  32. Two drunkards drove in a car. A: "Be careful! The front is a sharp turn." B: "What? Isn't you driving?"
  33. Beautiful, pure, gentle, sexy, and lovely virgins, like ghosts, men are talking about it, but no one has ever seen it...
  34, what is cruel? It was a man, I interrupted him three legs; it was a male dog, and I interrupted it five legs!
  35. I remember that one day after I graduated, my girlfriend sent me a text message: "We still broke up!" I haven’t had time to be sad, and my girlfriend sent another one: "I'm sorry, I made a mistake." This can be completely sad. ......
  36. What happened to Tanabata? The days are still the same, and the earth will turn.
  37. A young lady walks in the night, and the road meets a robber: "Hand over the money!" Miss answered: "No, you are strong * me, I will not give it!" The robbers carefully looked at the lady, he said: "The beauty you want." !"
  38. 'Herjing, the person who respects the people,' in today's world, only in the banquet, can you see this virtue.
  39. My principle is: people don't commit me, I don't commit crimes; if people commit me, I am angry!
  40, Valentine's Day, who has a prostitute to borrow one, next year is still a big one!
  41, hey, it’s a Valentine’s Day without a lover. It’s so big that TMD hasn’t lived with Valentine’s Day!
  42. I have been fascinated by you for a long time, and my brother is also a little narcissistic!
  43. Tanabata is the day when the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl are dating. What are you doing with a pair of pairs?
  44, the female will eat the male after mating, cruel? But some women have swallowed countless descendants on the way to mating...
  45. I worked hard to fill the day, but Tanabata came to remind me how lonely I am.
  46, to maintain life lies in sports, to create life is also in sports, the difference is - bed under the bed.
  47. If happiness is a cloud, if the pain is like a star. Then my life is really cloudless, full of stars...
  48. Tourists: Master, is the grass house over there a toilet? Monk: In addition to the grass house, the rest are toilets.
  49. The service in the public office is called 'iron rice bowl', and the work in private companies is called 'no-clean tableware'.
  50. Dad hit me twice today. The first time was because I saw a two-point transcript in my hand, and the second time because the transcript was when he was a child.
  51. I discovered that the way to attract a man is to keep him from getting it; the way to attract a woman is just the opposite, that is, to keep her satisfied.
  52. Notice to the robbers: Our staff only know Spanish. Please be patient when you rob. It is best to bring a translator, thank you!
  53. Only when the long queues are long, can we truly understand that we are 'the descendants of the dragon'.
  54. I really don't understand. Girls buy a lot of beautiful clothes to wear, just to attract the boy's eyes, but the boy wants to see, but the girl who does not wear clothes.
  55, the woman's 'depreciation rate' is amazing, from the 'new' mother to the 'old' woman, only one night.
  56, my dream of life: sleep to sleep naturally wake up, count the amount of money to hand cramps. My real life: Count the money to wake up naturally, sleep and sleep until the hand cramps...
  57, how is your child not sensible? Hey, here, how do you still want to go to the zoo to watch the bears?
  58. Thousands of mountains and waters are difficult to fly, where is the feeling of dissatisfaction? How many corners of the horizon, only you can enter the hate!
  59, the ferocious person - nothing to find someone to kill. Merry people - nothing to find a beautiful woman to sleep. Rich people - nothing to buy a new car to open. I -- nothing to smoke a cigarette butt...
  60. My wife and I have not spoken for 18 months. I have no chance to interrupt her.
  61, reluctant children can not set wolves, reluctant to marry a woman can not catch the rogue, reluctant to update without collecting ...
  62. Yesterday I signed up for a weight loss training class. They asked me to wear loose clothes during training. If there are loose clothes, then what are I going to sign up for?
  63, the man's face is his life resume, the woman's face is her life income statement.
  64, a stutterer invigilation, found a student peek, madly swearing: "You, you, you, you, you dare to cheat, give me up!" Five students stood up.
  65, supine tonight, sit up tomorrow morning, prone tomorrow night, the day after tomorrow ... exercise, sometimes it is so simple.
  66, singularly vacant, people can only be wasted; wives and gangs, people know how to thrift. But now, I am yearning for frugality in my waste.
  67, I have been in a bad mood today. The text message last night let me know. The girl I used to secretly fell down. I even told me four times... I was very sad at the time, and turned my wallet while sad: so I am even more Sad, I don’t even have the capital to accompany her once...
  68. I changed her from a girl to a woman. She changed me from a boy to a poor man.
  69. Bring the headphones to the maximum sound, the outside world has nothing to do with me.
  70, the farthest distance in the world is not life and death, but I am invisible, you are online, you are online, but I am invisible.
  71. Boys are generally not allowed to go to the girls' building. They must leave before 8 o'clock in the evening. Otherwise, at 8 o'clock, the aunt of the building will shout loudly: The girls, the guests.
  72, men are lascivious, the color is slightly stronger, called the satyr, and then stronger, called the color ghost, and even stronger, it is called the color demon, especially strong, it becomes a metamorphosis, the lust to the extreme, is called the human aesthetic artist.
  73. I know that I am not a handsome guy, but when someone looked at my full moon photo, I also said that the nostrils on my left are very idols.
  74, the expensive dog food can not even sorrow the sadness of the Shar Pei ,
  75. Someone asked me, are you handsome, I said that I am not handsome, he punched me and told you to lie.
  76. Knowing you knows that there is a feeling of attachment, and there is a feeling called love. Happy Valentine's Day!
  77. The inner beauty that men say is the inside of the bra, not the inner heart.
  78. For men, the 'dry girl' is -- can enter and attack, retreat can be kept, 'gift' 'self-use' is suitable.
  79, seven is an odd number, want you to make a double even number.
  80. You are lying in the theater and occupying four positions. Others call you up, you just um, you can't move anywhere. The security guard came and said: "Enough, oh, brother, which way?" You bite your teeth and say: Upstairs aisle fell!
  81, a man, his wife often red apricots out of the wall, and if not seen, colleagues send a couplet, Shanglian: As long as the days go, the next line: even if the head is a bit green, horizontal batch: Ninja Turtle.
  82, Valentine's Day, I tweeted to find a girl in my middle school secret love, sent a text message to her: If there is only a bowl of porridge, you first drink half a bowl, the remaining half bowl, I put you in your arms to keep you warm After a few minutes, she returned a text message: Who did you introduce? One hundred and one hundred, including seven hundred nights.
  83. Some people's love is A film, some are third-level films, some are comedy films, some are literary films; I am the worst, my love process is literary film, comedy film, third-level film, A film, suspense film The action movie, and finally the KB (horror) film, even more annoying is, also fucking commercials...
  84, blind date is 'distribution', love is called 'direct sales', and throwing hydrangea is the 'circle'.
  85. If you need advice or advice, we will provide it for free; if you need the correct answer, please pay separately.
  86, you are not the traffic police in my head, have no right to interfere with my direction.
  87. Three small animals in the forest are chatting. The pig said: Now it is popular to use nicknames, and later you will call me a piglet. Bunny: Ok, then I am called a bunny. The chicken is not happy with his face: I still have something to do, go first.
  88, I will not speak, when I see a lot of people, I will stutter, like a sheep, not like everyone's taste, I hope everyone will bear with me.
  89. Two birds saw a hunter aiming at them. One said, you protect the scene and I call the police!
  90. Some people say that spring buried their girlfriends in the ground, and in the fall they will harvest a lot of girlfriends. I heard that some people believed and did it. He buried his girlfriend in the ground in the spring. In the fall, he was buried underground by pol and ice.
  91, man, the upper body is self-cultivation, the lower body is the essence; the woman, the upper body is the bait, the lower body is the trap.
  92, you are very creative, living is your courage; ugly is not your intention, but God has a little temper; you have to live bravely, if you are not there ... who will set off the beauty of 驴!
  93. I like to give my life to my destiny: I will throw coins when I wake up in the morning. If I face up, I will continue to sleep; if the back is facing up, I will lie in bed and watch TV. If the coin is standing up after landing, I will get up and clean up the house.
  94. I saw the so-called contemporary female mate selection criteria in the book: there are cars and houses, and both parents die. depressed. 遂 Write down the standard of choosing a wife in fantasy: the property in the family is over 100 million, the beauty is the best in the world, the sense of flexibility is gentle, and the father-in-law is late in cancer...
  95, 'Don't let your rights fall asleep', this sentence is usually used in the bridal chamber night.
  96, a pair of lovers to register to marry. "Do you have a pre-marital check?" "Checked, his house and car are all full." "I mean to go to the hospital." The young woman blushed and whispered, "Check it, it is a boy."
  97, unexpectedly, ah, this day, the day is actually a lover's Singles Day!
  98, menstruation is not only the pain of women, but also the pain of men.
  99, someone met a friend on the street. When he first asked his friend's wife, he suddenly remembered that she had passed away, and then changed her mind: "Is she still in the original cemetery?"
  100, the world is unfair: God said: I want light! - So there is daylight. Beauty said: I want a diamond ring! - So she has a diamond ring. Regal said: I want a woman! - So he has a woman. I said: I want to take a shower! - Actually stopped water!
  101. The tragic life is that: I worked hard to make a beautiful dream of a night, and I woke up the next morning and couldn’t remember it!
  102, I think I should go to lose weight, when the last blood donation, actually spilled a hundred milliliters of lard.
  103, Shi Tai, you have been from the old man! After a long, long time... Shi Tai, you will spare the old man!
  104. In love, someone 'sees death as a return'; in marriage, someone 'returns to death'.
  105, I am in a bad mood today. I only have four words to say. Including this sentence and the previous two sentences. My words are finished...
  106, the red face is more fat, the yellow face is more fatal.
  107, the girl cares about the happiness of the second half, the boy is concerned about the happiness of the lower body......
  108, single is very painful, single is more painful for a long time, a few days ago I saw a sow, I think it is eye-catching...
  109. On the road, driving is not difficult, I am afraid that there is a 'new person'!
  110. Except for one item, the rest of the columns are well filled. The “relationship” column should be filled with “mother-in-law” instead of “tension”.
  111, wild cat: Where to sleep where to go. Wild dog: What to eat and what to eat. Wild man: See one love one.
  112, cats and cows say hello. The cow laughed at the cat and said: You are so long when you are so small! The cat is very angry and says: Why are you so big and don't wear a bra?
  113. If marriage is the tomb of love, the annual wedding anniversary celebration is in the 'sweeping the grave'.
  114, you said that the festival of foreigners, this day is the Valentine's Day of the Chinese Valentine's Day, haha ​​hide it!
  115, as the saying goes: the train is not pushed, happiness is not blowing; Tanabata, I want to say to you: If you are right, your heart will be drunk.
  116, I am not a renminbi, how can everyone like me?
  117, the real warrior should dare to face the beautiful crush, dare to face the bleak single.
  118, buddy, say something, don't drink when you drive, oh... you think, if you hit a pole, this wine spills out, oh... what a pity!
  119. Wages are dead. To make wages worthy of work, they have to go to work less.
  120, money depends on me dung, I also regard money as dirt! Who are the people who are afraid of the soil?
  121. Chastity varies from person to person. For example, people will praise a girl as a virgin, but will also laugh at a boy who is a virgin.
  122. Don't marry your child is a rabbit, because from a genetic point of view, this is not good for parents.
  123. Learn foreigners who speak Mandarin. In the morning, I greeted the female secretary. "Are you good?" Miss glanced at him. He glanced at him and immediately said to her, "Mom, hello!"